Controlling Emotions : How to do it?
October 14, 2008
All of us have experienced situations where we wish that we were controlling emotions rather than have emotions control us. Like when you lose your temper or unnecessarily get upset. Or when you can’t control your nervousness.
Firstly, understand that all emotions are here to serve us. Emotions brings color to life and makes it more interesting. But more importantly, it also tells us what is going on. Emotions are like signals and warning signs. Like when we are upset, we know something is not right. Or when we are angry it shows that something that should not happen happened.
However being overly emotional or being excessively influenced by emotions can result in many problems.
Never ever avoid, ignore or pent up your emotions. Whenever you have any emotions, you should acknowledge it’s existence and give it the attention it needs. Try to understand the message that the emotion is trying to tell you. And then try your best to respond to that emotion’s message in the best way possible.
Remember that your emotion is the messenger, not the enemy. It just communicates the bad news to you.
How you can control your emotions;
1. Break the pattern and disassociate
Whenever there is a surge of emotions rushing towards you, quickly break the pattern and disassociate from it. Don’t indulge in the emotion and let it take over. Become like a 3rd party observing the situation and what is happening. Step outside of yourself and don’t make it personal.
The key is to do it immediately, or else the emotion will gain momentum and get stronger.
To break the pattern of the emotion, one way is to jolt and surprise the brain so much that the intensity of the emotion is drained away. To do so, you must do, think or say something that is totally bizarre and unexpected. So much so that the brain ‘forgot’ that it was for example, feeling angry a moment ago.
2. Be curious and try to understand the message of the emotion
Now that you’ve disassociated yourself from the emotion, you are in a neutral enough state to objectively assess what is going on. Objectively observe the situation and the emotions you are feeling. Ask questions such as ;
What emotions did I feel just now?
What just happened?
What does this mean?
Why did I feel this way?
What did I have to believe for me to feel this way?
What needs to happen for me to feel better?
Try to stay curious when asking those questions. Don’t get personal about it. When asking those questions, use a questioning curious tone to help keep yourself in a curious state.
Questions like that will help you find out the message of your emotion. Then you will know why you feel a certain way, what you want instead, and how to effectively respond to the situation. By first being neutral, you can effectively identify the problem and solutions without getting influenced by emotions.
3. Make a decision on what to do
Finally decide how to respond to it and what actions to take. How is the best way to respond to this? What do you have to do, communicate or think in order to get you what you want? Sometimes all you need is a change is your mind-set and perception.
As long as you remain disassociated from the emotion, your decision will rarely go wrong. By assessing the situation in a clear mind, you will know that the solutions you came up with are objective.
Use those 3 steps to help in controlling emotions. Like many things, controlling emotions is a matter of habit. It will be harder at first but the more you practice it, the easier it becomes. Do it consistently and it will become a natural habit to respond to any negative emotion in an empowering manner.
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