Handling Rejection When Dating
December 3, 2007
The first thing you want to consider when thinking about how to handle rejection when you’re dating someone, is whether or not you really do want to handle it at all. If you are dating someone who is rejecting you, or your opinions, your clothes, your lifestyle — whatever it is — then they are playing an unsupportive role in your life. Do you really think that they have a right to do this?
When you first realize that your partner’s comments are a form of rejection you need to be aware that they are trying to take control of the partnership. In their opinion putting you down equals building themselves up–they are the dominant partner, the one who’s always right. This is not the case. If you are dating someone, they are not superior to you, and any attempt to exert themselves into that position needs to raise a mental flag in your mind.
If this happens only once, or twice, and there are circumstances that can explain it, for example we all have off days, and we all have opinions that our partner will possibly not agree with, and then we all have days when we’re too tired or stressed to choose our words with more care and so it is possible to say something that is negative and would appear to be a rejection to our partner. The difference is when this isn’t the exception, but rather a common occurrence.
If you don’t make a stand against this rejection, then you are saying to your partner “I’m OK with you treating me like this, just go ahead, it’s fine with me.” And if this is fine, that’s great! But for most people, it really isn’t fine, and it’s never right, and so you need to confront your partner about their treatment of you. Tell your partner that you don’t like the way they talk down to you, and reject you and the things you believe in as being wrong or unimportant. Ask if they realize how it makes you feel, and whether or not they care.
One thing that you must keep in mind if you are having rejection issues with someone you’re dating is that unless you make a stand, it’s not going to get better. It’s possible that your partner learned this behavior from watching their parents and isn’t aware that it’s not how you treat someone you care about.
It’s equally possible that your partner has control issues that makes them behave in this way towards you. Whatever the reason is that they act in this way, the situation isn’t going to improve. In fact it’s likely to get worse as they realize they can get away with the way they treat you, and your self-confidence begins to falter and so you begin to believe that you deserve to be talked to in this manner.
So handle the situation by picking a moment to have a heart-to-heart with your partner and tell them how you feel when they reject you. If they don’t then change their way you have two choices– you can allow them to continue to treat you in this negative way, or you can walk away and find someone who will respect you for the wonderful person you are. You know you deserve better; leave while you still believe that!
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