Wise Sayings To Help You Move Past Infidelity
August 6, 2008
Cliches are as old as the hills, but the reason they have passed the test of time is that they’re true. They apply today as much as they applied hundreds, maybe thousands of years ago when they were first penned. Let’s take a look at six of them and see how they apply to the issue of how to survive infidelity .
You cannot see the forest because of the trees. This adage applies to how you feel when you first find out about the infidelity. The infidelity becomes the only thing we can focus on. We only see our hurt, anger and pain, not why the situation happened. Try to step back from the situation and see it as a whole. Look at what happened in and around the situation rather than just at the infidelity itself.
Experience is the best teacher. Once you can see the forest of your marriage again and not just the tree of infidelity, use this situation to grow. It’s easy to sit on the porch swing before you get married and play the “what if” game, but until it actually happens, there’s no way to know what feelings, what emotions, what passion will erupt from inside you. Resolve that this is the one and only time this will happen in your marriage and put it behind you as a “life experience” and move on.
A penny for your contemplations. The key to every great relationship according to almost everyone is communication. Communication is typically difficult but even more so when you have to tell the person you love something that will bring them pain. If you try to hold it in or keep it to yourself, you will only explode with it later. Think out how you want to say what needs to be said and then find a quiet moment to share your thoughts with your partner.
Its me, not you. This is the only adage on this list that is a how-NOT-to instead of a how-to. Rarely do you find a situation that is 100% one person’s fault. Even if you are the partner that was cheated on, you may still have had some fault in the situation. Do not just throw all of the blame on the cheater, even though it is easy and natural to do. Share your feelings, share your guilt, and share your future together.
Just because it’s simple, doesn’t mean it’s easy. It’s simple to get married. Get a license, say “I do” and move in together. That’s the simple part. But marriage is not easy. It’s a full-time job, a full-time commitment and it needs to be worked on every day. Every day. The steepness of the cliffs and valleys of a marriage are measured by your ability to communicate, to bend but not break, and to forgive.
Time heals all wounds. This one’s saved for last. It’s probably the oldest cliche there is and it’s the truest one of the bunch. It goes back to the first cliche in our list because once we get past the initial situation, resolve and forgive, then it’s just a matter of time. Of moving on to bigger and better things. To let this pass and to grow.
These adages, while appropriate for adultery, are also applicable in the rest of life. They will help your marriage survive and thrive, even after infidelity. Hopefully these adages will stay with you if you ever are forced to experience adultery.
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